Buenos Aires: Bright Lights, Big City, Big Appetite

A steak (even two) a day keeps the obsession with beef at bay.

(Warning to vegetarians: you can stop reading now.)

That was what this two-day Buenos Aires stopover was going to be about: a survey of various parrillas, or steakhouses. I'd been doing research for months on which places to hit in my 48 hours in this carnivore's Paradise. A lot of people come to Buenos Aires to shop, to party, to sightsee. I came to eat beef.

The moment I emerged into the fine Buenos Aires weather I instantly regretted not having planned on staying longer, a week even. It was 76F, a stark contrast to the freezing Patagonian weather. Going forward it was now all about t-shirts and urban clothing (of which I've brought almost nothing).

I sprung the few extra bucks for a decent hotel room at the Hotel Bristol, right smack in front of the city's main landmark, the massive Obelisco and on the world's widest avenue, the Avenida 9 de Julio. It had an air of faded glory (brass and glass revolving door, a chandelier, etc.) and had a huge neon Mercedes Benz advertisement on top (it would be hard for me to lose my way home, an actual selling point).

I was caught off guard by having a porter and a doorman open my taxi door and whisk my bag into the lobby. Faded glory maybe, but the service was still top-notch.

I was thrilled to have my own private bath, fitted with a bidet, even. It was a bit overwhelming, considering the way I've been rolling the last month: now a TV, fridge, crisp linens, abundant fluffy towels, remote-controlled a/c - I don't know how I could go back to anything "less"! (Just kidding.)

Explored the gritty downtown area and the energy and atmosphere immediately captivated me. Dozens of things called for my attention at the same time. I didn't know where to look. Patagonia had been all about meditatively looking at wide open landscapes. This was the opposite, mental over-stimulation was the game here. A pair of abandoned man-sized ladies' shoes caught my attention (Who had owned them? Why had they been abandoned?) and so did a ratty but clever billboard (What was it for? Why was the woman on it a person of interest?), the impossibly attractive locals rushing around (blue-eyed/fair-haired, dark-eyed/dark-haired, blue-eyed/dark-haired... all possible combinations, but somehow unmistakably Argentine; must be the prominent noses).

Made my way to the bohemian Palermo district to celebrate my birthday at the "famous" (meaning, listed in ALL the guidebooks, for better or for worse) La Cabrera. I'd stayed in the neighborhood three years ago with a group of friends and nothing had changed: the same designer stores selling mostly the same merchandise but now at even more inflated prices. Most of the fashionable looking locals were at the cafes - the only ones shopping were visitors (saw one American drop $500 on a pair of shoes).

Arrived at La Cabrera to find that the 40% "happy hour" discount (from 7-8:30pm) wasn't available on Mondays, so, dejected, off I went to Las Cabras nearby. I'd read it was popular among locals because of the low prices and the convivial atmosphere (but when is it not so in Buenos Aires?). Casually stylish and young attractive waitstaff in black t-shirts buzzed around. The food did not disappoint: ordered a perfectly charred and pink-in-the-center bife de chorizo (sirloin strip steak, 350g) with a decadent ring of fat, puréed squash (a new personal healthier-than-potatoes favorite), rice, grilled onion and red pepper and a favorite, provoleta (grilled thick slice of provolone, on which you squeeze lemon; a la quesong puti): $13. With a bottle of wine and tip, I was out the door for $25.

Lunch the following day was downtown, close to the long pedestrian shopping street, Calle Florida, at "El Establo". I immediately liked it: cocky but cool career waiters in black bow ties and vests casually chatting with businessmen in pinstriped suits, obviously regulars. The atmosphere was traditional, unfussy and comfortable. Had a half-portion of ojo de bife (rib eye, not too much fat but amazing flavor & liked the thickness), puréed squash and a half-bottle of Malbec. Again, perfectly charred outside and pink inside. I paid in cash (10% off) and with dollars (favorable exchange rate, 10% higher than what's offered at banks; signs advertising this at restaurants and stores are everywhere... everyone wants foreign currency as the value of the Argentine peso is being kept artificially high by the powers-that-be and restrictive foreign exchange laws are also in effect. And something's up with the financial situation, there were always long lines outside banks' doors.). A nice touch at the end of the meal: an overflowing shot of limoncello. I emerged from the restaurant with a general sense of well-being and only $25 poorer. A fine, fine value.

It was only 2:30pm and I already started making my way towards La Cabrera for the 7:00 happy hour. Waddled through Palermo's shops, meandering through twenty or so big blocks to build up an appetite. When I arrived at 6:40 I was appropriately hungry but there was already a queue of 25 or so, mostly trendy 20-something American and English travelers. Would I be able to get in?

I did. I'd once eaten, three years ago, at a sister restaurant half a block away and this one had the same TGIF kind of decor (beef-related tchotchkes), but in a good non-chainy way. Everyone was ready for action, knowing we'd have only a little more than an hour finish the meal.

I had a large (600g; almost 1.5 lbs.) ojo de bife (rib eye), perfectly charred and the sight of it shocked me. Would I be able to do the deed?????? Indeed I did. In 45 minutes I scarfed the whole thing down, with a bottle of their cheapest and finest Malbec. The meal, just as I had remembered, came with condiments (apple sauce, puréed squash, pickled roasted garlic cloves and pearl onions, potato salad, grilled peppers, etc.) and the usual lollipop tree was served at the end of the meal. Verdict: great beef and accompaniments, but very, very touristy and I didn't get the sense that more than a few appreciated what an experience this was (group of aforementioned young travelers kept on smelling their food, two asking for their meat well-done and kept on sending their steak back to the kitchen for further debasement; the waiters seemed bewildered). I wouldn't go back unless I was with friends so I wouldn't have to pay attention to the tourists (yes, I'm one myself but... you know what I mean:I like to dine with people who can appropriately appreciate the unique experience at hand) and I certainly wouldn't pay the extortionate prices they now charge. But on the whole, I was satisfied by the meal and having just paid $36 with the discount. That said, there are other options out there.

I leave this city satisfied, having accomplished my insane mission: almost four pounds of prime Argentine beef in three meals. That, and copious amounts of Malbec.

Other notables: getting lost heading home from dinner and finding the subway closed for the night and taking four buses headed in various opposing directions trying to get home and strangers being amazingly helpful in trying to help, with me understanding absolutely almost nothing. On the way, walked past an incredible (on shopping carts and trolleys) caravan of homeless people on Corrientes, one of the city's busiest avenues. An adventure indeed.

Now, off to Brazil where I will atone for the gluttony and will have a few days in Sao Paulo to lose enough weight so I can squeeze into my swim shorts.